I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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