Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize