if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Randomize