im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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