You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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