Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize