I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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