k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
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Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Semen is not good for contacts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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