Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize