...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
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