I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize