we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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