She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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