all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
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I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
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The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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