Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
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You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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