is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
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We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
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I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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