Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
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