Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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