pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
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Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
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I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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