my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
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All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
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The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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