I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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