Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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