so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Randomize