I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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