Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize