there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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