I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
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