She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
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Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
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I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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