If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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