im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I love having hate sex.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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