Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
cat food counts as protein by the way
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Randomize