I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
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So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
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YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize