So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
The air was thick with penises
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize