Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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