Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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