my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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