Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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