Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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