he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
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were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
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No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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