Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
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They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
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dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
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