Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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