I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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