peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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