i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
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when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
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Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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