I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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