Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
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Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
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Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
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