i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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