it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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