dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
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The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
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I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
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