I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
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I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
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and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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