you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
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